Leading Along the Edge

What is “the edge”?

The edge is the line between who you are now and who you could become. It is where you stop doing what you already know how to do and start growing into the leader you want to be.

It can feel uncomfortable there. That is normal. It is also where the change happens. This work is about learning to stand at that edge, and step across it, one conversation at a time.

You might be here if…

• You still show up every day, and you are running on fumes.
• The conversations you avoid keep costing you: the feedback you haven’t given, the truth you haven’t said.
• You have read the books, taken the courses and tried the frameworks. You know what you should do. Somehow it is not changing.
• Your team or family looks to you, and nobody asks how you are.

You are not broken. You are overloaded, and you were never taught how to have these conversations. Most leaders weren’t.

What this is

Leadership happens in conversation. How you talk to yourself, how you listen, what you say when it is hard: that is where trust is built or lost.

Conversational leadership is the practice of using conversations on purpose, to create something that works between people. It starts with you, because the way you talk to yourself shapes the way you lead.

You don’t need a title. If people depend on you, you lead.

Five ideas you will start using right away

1. Seeing distinctionsA distinction is a difference that, once you can see it, changes what you do. Here are a few to start with. Then you learn to spot them and make up your own.
   • Nice versus kind. Being nice protects you. Being kind means telling the truth with care.
   • Agreements versus expectations. An expectation is a demand nobody agreed to. An agreement is a promise both people know about.
   • Worries versus concerns. A worry is a story you replay. A concern is something you can act on.
   • Owner versus victim. “Why is this happening to me?” or “Given this, what will I do?” The second question is where leading starts.
2. Five levels of listeningMost of us never get past hearing words and waiting to talk. There are five levels, and each one has its place. You will learn what they are, how to tell which one you are in, and when each one is the right one to use.
3. From looking confident to being confidentMost of us learn to appear confident: the right voice, the right posture, no visible doubt. That takes effort and it cracks under pressure. Real confidence is different. It is a natural expression of who you are, and it grows as you get to know yourself.
4. Vulnerability as a way to growSaying “I don’t know,” “I got that wrong,” or “this is hard for me” is not weakness. It is where growth happens, for the people you lead and for you. We will practice it, starting with me.
5. Integrity: honoring your wordWhen you do what you said you would do, and say so when you can’t, people trust you and so do you. That is the source of real power. It is also the missing ingredient in most organizations, families and relationships, and putting it back changes how everything else works.

How we begin: three sessions

The first step is three one-on-one sessions. By the end, you will see yourself and your situation clearly, you will have tried these ideas in a real conversation of your own, and you will start to see what else is possible for your life and your leading.

Ways to keep going

Who you will be talking with

I’m Gary Lougher, a certified trauma recovery coach. For about 30 years I have helped people lead, whatever their title or background. I have led turnarounds of struggling markets in several industries, and the way I did it was by finding and developing leaders who were hiding in plain sight.

What matters most in a leader is not the title. It is the ability to stay steady and human when the pressure is on.

Start here

Take the short app.

It takes a few minutes. It helps you see where you stand. If it looks like a good fit and I have room, I will invite you to a conversation.

Start the app